Tortillas and Circuses

I hate to admit it, but I was extremely disappointed with the circus. I ended up going 2 times (it was in town for 10 days) and both times were pretty much the same. The had a big tent set up in the middle of town with lights strung up all over and loud music playing, so I thought it would be a little better than it was. The tickets were only $1 ($.50 the second visit), so I didn´t lose much.

The show started with a girl of maybe 16 years coming out to hip-hop music (they call it Raggeaton down here) in short shorts and a bra and "dancing". I say dancing, but it looked more like she was having a seizure. There were a lot of whoops and cat-calls from the crowd, but I wasn´t that impressed. Next, a clown and a guy in a suit came out and did a 15 minute routine. It was basically a vulgar (a lot of penis and homosexual jokes) version of Abbott and Costello. I understood a lot of it, but I didn´t think it was close to funny. The rest of the crowd was laughing hysterically. Especially when the clown would grab the other guy´s butt. They are very sophisticated, comically speaking, down here. This first part was the same both times I went to the show. The middle was different though.

The first time they had a juggler and the second time they had a fire swallower. At least that was something that I couldn´t do, but definitely no Cirque du Soleil. Both times after these acts they had a knife thrower. He brought out the girsl from the beginning of the show. She didn´t look confident and I was nervous that he was going to hit her. He got close and it wasn´t the, "Wow, that guy is good!" close, it was the, "Holy shit, this girl is going to die!" close. After her, they brought up someone from the crowd to get thrown at. I was hopping they´d pick me. I imagined the phone call I´d have to make to the PC office to explain that I had a steel throwing star lodged in my leg. That would have been a good blog post!

After this, both nights they then two guys come out and balance sticks, knives, and other junk on their chins/foreheads. This was OK, but it got a little boring after 10 minutes. Then the clowns came out and did some more ass-grabbin´ to the delight of the audience.

There was then an intermission both nights and the clowns came out selling food. A clown really looses some of his gravitas when he starts haggling with the person next to you about trying to buy a $.50 candied apple with a five dollar bill. (Note: "No tengo sueltos" or "I don´t have change" should be the Ecuadorian national motto)

After intermission, it was crowd participation time. The first night they picked 6 guys from the crowd and had them act out a scene where one guy sold a real live duck to another guy. The lines for all the guys (we had to watch all six do this) were...

- "Would you like to buy a duck?"
- "Does it bite?"
- "No."
- "Sure."

...That was it! The guys had to do the scene normally, angrily, sadly, and then do it acting like women. As you can see, this is a recipe for hilarity. I was more concerned with the torturing the poor duck as the performed this scene 24 times, but the crowd again went wild. Move over Dennis Miller...It´s guys with a duck!

The next time I went, they pulled three kids from the crowd and had them leap-frog each other. Again, "Gold, Jerry! Gold!" And that was all. A let down, yes, but who else do I know that can say they´ve seen a circus south of the Equator.

Not a lot else going on this week. My landlord and I fixed my roof this week, which is nice. Since I have some space let, I´ll talk a little about my humorous problem with Spanish. First off, Spanish is a subtle language. A slight change can make a big difference. For example, "Yo tengo 29 años" means "I´m 29 years old", but "Yo tengo 29 anos" (a difference of only a "ñ" versus a "n") means "I have 29 ass holes". I haven´t got caught in that one, but the other day I was at the market and asked for some pork. The vendor asked me how much I wanted, and I said I wanted a "Libre". She was confused and asked me again. I repeated that I wanted a "Libre". This went on for a while until that lady in the next booth said that I wanted a "Libra". I had been saying "free", when I wanted to say "pound". A very Back to the Future Part I moment ("Gimme a Pepsi Free"). Also, at a restaurant I I got a burrito that was frozen in the middle. The waitress was very surprised as I explained to her that there was "helado" in my burrito. I meant to say "hielo" or "ice, but I actually was telling her that somehow they had put "ice cream" in the middle of my Mexican food. Another time, the teachers in the school were asking about my family. They asked what their jobs were. When they asked what my sister did to make money, I said she was sick. "Enferma" as opposed to "Enfermera". They got a kick out of that. If I just grabbed their butts, I could take it on the road.

P.S. - Just saw that Rick Ankiel has hit three Home Runs in three game in the Bigs. I´m pulling for him (like I´m sure everyone else is). I almost cry at the end of Rudy, so I guess I´m a softy for sport´s stories.